He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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