he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My vagina just clenched in fear
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
