He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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