Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
