I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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