Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
