Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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