just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
