I think I died a long time ago.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize