Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
