DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
