you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
