i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
false alarm, still single
Randomize
