Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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