I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
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There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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