They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
