If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
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i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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