are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You're a waste of cheezeits
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
