Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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