remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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