So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
