I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
