I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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