After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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