I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
