I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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