I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
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