she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
