she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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