I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
