He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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