OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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