Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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