the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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