He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
