You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
