her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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