using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
