i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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