Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Holy shit dude........stairs
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
