**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
