You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
