had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
