What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
