look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Don't EVER smell your tampon
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Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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