last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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