the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
