I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Oh god it's open bar.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
