i just had sex bonerless
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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