SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
