I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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