Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
