Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
