I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
