can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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