Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
