I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
