I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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