After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
