Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
