I feel like abortions should bother me more
please come you make the beer taste better
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just invented taco cereal.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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