i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
