i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
