Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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