I want to stick my p in your. b.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
