She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
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i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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