I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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